Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
