She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I fill condoms, not promises.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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