just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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