Will you blow on my dice?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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