i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
