i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
