census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
