last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize