i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i just made my gag reflex go away.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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