hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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