dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
