I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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