Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
