So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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