Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
