I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
