dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
