Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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