My pussy is not your playground.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
