I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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