No, you can still breathe under the balls.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
