After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
