Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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