On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
