Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Randomize
