There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize