I want to make a zoo with you.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
