Kareoke will never be a sober sport
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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