If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
