...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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