It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
