I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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