I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
