I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
