we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
