Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
