hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I cockslap morals
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
