yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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