He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My life is pants optional.
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