I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
