This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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