come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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