I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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