i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize