The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
