your parents love me but you hate me
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I cut my penus on the lid.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
