I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
