I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
