So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize