Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Randomize
