im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You can't just leave with hair like that
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
