It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
