i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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