i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
