party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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