We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
