idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize