Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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