Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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