Whats the glycemic index on semen?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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