The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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