Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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