he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize