I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize