Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
