My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
