i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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