perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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