I think my vagina is haunted
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
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