I've blown a few things in my day
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
