I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My friends, they love my intelligence
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
