Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
there is puke in my bra ... again
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