I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
