i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I didn't notice because vodka
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
