so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize